'You're not one of those... you know?' Mother asked me on the phone this morning.
'One of those what?'
'You know... lady lovers?'
'Lady what?'
'Lesbian.' She whispered.
'Why are you whispering?'
'Are you?'
'What?'
'A lesbian?'
'No I am not.'
'Oh thank God. Bert,' she shouted to my dad. 'Lexi says she's not a lesbian.'
'Good-good.' I heard him mumble.
'What made you think I am?'
'No reason, must dash darling. Your fathers socks won't darn themselves.'
With that she hung up.

A lesbian? What on earth made her think that?
It's not like I'm partial to wearing dungarees on a weekend or anything.

Well there's nothing else for it. Must get Stu round immediately, if only to de-butch me.
Blame my mother.